Even Though I Can’t “Fix It”

When my deceased husband and I adopted Evan at 5 years old, he struggled greatly, as anyone would.  We mistakenly thought, however, that love, and our “vast wisdom” would eventually fix everything.  It didn’t, but with time, God is.

There is a huge difference between being there for someone in their struggle, whether it be fear, anxiety, stress, or in this case adoption; and thinking I can “fix it”. I was very naive, and a bit arrogant (well maybe a lot arrogant),  but don’t we all go there at times?  Don’t we all think we can “fix it” for us or someone else?

I don’t know why, but it took a lot of years, a lot of heartache, and shear exhaustion before I began to realize I can’t fix anyone’s life for them.  Truthfully, I can’t even fix my own.

Even though I can’t fix it, Jesus can.

I often, without meaning to, want a quick fix because I want relief for myself or my loved one.  Yet God sees the bigger picture, longing to make us whole and free, completely lacking nothing – in spite of our circumstances.

So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free.  John 8:36 (NLT)

Relief is a cheep substitute for Freedom.

So, what can I do to help?

  1.  Stand with my loved one, no matter how hard it gets.
  2. This is not too big for God – keep my focus on God as I pray for their focus.
  3. Pray for their endurance and strength, asking the Holy Spirit to do His loving good through the struggle.
  4. Worry is just another form of “fix it”.  Yield it to God.
  5. Stop pointing out how they can “fix it”.  Words, even wise ones, can eventually become no more than ugly noise.  Pray for their receptivity to his voice, and be quiet.
  6. Never say, “It will be all right”.  It may never be “all right”.  Rather pray that they become able to experience a very loving God, and see his magnificent plan emerge from the ashes of what they now experience.
  7. Ask for God’s wisdom regularly.  Speak in his timing with the words he longs for them to hear.
  8. Remind them (and yourself) regularly of God’s magnificent promises.
  9. I may need to step back temporarily to regain perspective.
  10. If the situation becomes toxic, I need to trust if God says “let go”.  My letting go doesn’t mean God has.  It may be the very thing necessary to bring the healing and wholeness I long for them to experience.

And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.

16 Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. 17 And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father. Colossians 3:15-17

I’d love to hear what you’ve learned.

With love,

Robin

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A Most Faithful, Compassionate Ally

This past summer, I saw the faithfulness of God in a very intimate way.

I published a post last July entitled “I Do Matter“.  The article referred to a conversation with my now grown adopted son that came about because of a book I was reading entitled “The Primal Wound.” Through this book, I was learning many kids traumatized by adoption (even those adopted from birth), don’t consider their adoptive mom as “Mom”, because they somehow innately remember their birth-mom.  It made me wonder what Evan would say, and because of a comment he’d made weeks before stating I never let him tell the truth, God’s Spirit prompted me to give him the opportunity to be real. However, I wasn’t prepared for his answer.

His response of ‘no’ (I never considered you my mom) along with all I was reading brought to the surface such crushing pain as I hadn’t felt in years. In the middle of the swirling flow of emotions that followed, I began to lose sight of my Lord, and felt very alone. Unable to rise above the overwhelming waves, even Sunday worship, a time where I’d normally find great solace, became difficult. One Sunday as I attempted to worship, my eyes filled with tears, and in that moment, I sensed God’s presence intimately, and uniquely.  I knew he’d heard my pleas, and wanted me to know he was there.  He cared.

During a morning walk days later, I remembered words I’d heard on the radio that morning, “Maybe the battle you think you need to win isn’t without but within”. As I recounted those words, I prayed, “Lord, I understand you may want me to fight this battle rather than remove it.  But, if you would, please hold me right now.  If you don’t think that best, I understand.” Suddenly, as though God heaved his own pain-filled sigh, his voice inaudibly spoke, “My child, if you only understood I’ve been holding you all along.”

“My child, if you only understood that I have been holding you all along.”

God is a faithful, compassionate ally.

Isaiah 42:1-4 ““Look at my servant, whom I strengthen.
    He is my chosen one, who pleases me.
I have put my Spirit upon him.
    He will bring justice to the nations.
He will not shout
    or raise his voice in public.
He will not crush the weakest reed
    or put out a flickering candle.
    He will bring justice to all who have been wronged.
He will not falter or lose heart
    until justice prevails throughout the earth.
    Even distant lands beyond the sea will wait for his instruction. (NLT, emphasis mine)

Those verses were written hundreds of years before Christ was born, yet they speak of him.  They proclaim his compassionate faithfulness, even in the most desperate times.

My healing is coming slowly, and with it a depth of relationship with my faithful, compassionate ally that I never would have imagined.

Lord, I’ve seen your faithfulness, and know I’ll continue to see it.  Please, for those reading who feel like weak reeds nearly broken, and flickering candles nearly snuffed; reveal yourself as the one who never falters or loses heart as you care for your injured ones so compassionately.  Please show yourself faithful.  Thank you!  In Jesus’ name, amen.

With much love,

Robin <3