When my deceased husband and I adopted Evan at 5 years old, he struggled greatly, as anyone would. We mistakenly thought, however, that love, and our “vast wisdom” would eventually fix everything. It didn’t, but with time, God is.
There is a huge difference between being there for someone in their struggle, whether it be fear, anxiety, stress, or in this case adoption; and thinking I can “fix it”. I was very naive, and a bit arrogant (well maybe a lot arrogant), but don’t we all go there at times? Don’t we all think we can “fix it” for us or someone else?
I don’t know why, but it took a lot of years, a lot of heartache, and shear exhaustion before I began to realize I can’t fix anyone’s life for them. Truthfully, I can’t even fix my own.
Even though I can’t fix it, Jesus can.
I often, without meaning to, want a quick fix because I want relief for myself or my loved one. Yet God sees the bigger picture, longing to make us whole and free, completely lacking nothing – in spite of our circumstances.
So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free. John 8:36 (NLT)
Relief is a cheep substitute for Freedom.
So, what can I do to help?
- Stand with my loved one, no matter how hard it gets.
- This is not too big for God – keep my focus on God as I pray for their focus.
- Pray for their endurance and strength, asking the Holy Spirit to do His loving good through the struggle.
- Worry is just another form of “fix it”. Yield it to God.
- Stop pointing out how they can “fix it”. Words, even wise ones, can eventually become no more than ugly noise. Pray for their receptivity to his voice, and be quiet.
- Never say, “It will be all right”. It may never be “all right”. Rather pray that they become able to experience a very loving God, and see his magnificent plan emerge from the ashes of what they now experience.
- Ask for God’s wisdom regularly. Speak in his timing with the words he longs for them to hear.
- Remind them (and yourself) regularly of God’s magnificent promises.
- I may need to step back temporarily to regain perspective.
- If the situation becomes toxic, I need to trust if God says “let go”. My letting go doesn’t mean God has. It may be the very thing necessary to bring the healing and wholeness I long for them to experience.
And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.
16 Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. 17 And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father. Colossians 3:15-17
I’d love to hear what you’ve learned.