This past summer, I saw the faithfulness of God in a very intimate way.
I published a post last July entitled “I Do Matter“. The article referred to a conversation with my now grown adopted son that came about because of a book I was reading entitled “The Primal Wound.” Through this book, I was learning many kids traumatized by adoption (even those adopted from birth), don’t consider their adoptive mom as “Mom”, because they somehow innately remember their birth-mom. It made me wonder what Evan would say, and because of a comment he’d made weeks before stating I never let him tell the truth, God’s Spirit prompted me to give him the opportunity to be real. However, I wasn’t prepared for his answer.
His response of ‘no’ (I never considered you my mom) along with all I was reading brought to the surface such crushing pain as I hadn’t felt in years. In the middle of the swirling flow of emotions that followed, I began to lose sight of my Lord, and felt very alone. Unable to rise above the overwhelming waves, even Sunday worship, a time where I’d normally find great solace, became difficult. One Sunday as I attempted to worship, my eyes filled with tears, and in that moment, I sensed God’s presence intimately, and uniquely. I knew he’d heard my pleas, and wanted me to know he was there. He cared.
During a morning walk days later, I remembered words I’d heard on the radio that morning, “Maybe the battle you think you need to win isn’t without but within”. As I recounted those words, I prayed, “Lord, I understand you may want me to fight this battle rather than remove it. But, if you would, please hold me right now. If you don’t think that best, I understand.” Suddenly, as though God heaved his own pain-filled sigh, his voice inaudibly spoke, “My child, if you only understood I’ve been holding you all along.”
“My child, if you only understood that I have been holding you all along.”
God is a faithful, compassionate ally.
Isaiah 42:1-4 ““Look at my servant, whom I strengthen.
He is my chosen one, who pleases me.
I have put my Spirit upon him.
He will bring justice to the nations.
2 He will not shout
or raise his voice in public.
3 He will not crush the weakest reed
or put out a flickering candle.
He will bring justice to all who have been wronged.
4 He will not falter or lose heart
until justice prevails throughout the earth.
Even distant lands beyond the sea will wait for his instruction. (NLT, emphasis mine)
Those verses were written hundreds of years before Christ was born, yet they speak of him. They proclaim his compassionate faithfulness, even in the most desperate times.
My healing is coming slowly, and with it a depth of relationship with my faithful, compassionate ally that I never would have imagined.
Lord, I’ve seen your faithfulness, and know I’ll continue to see it. Please, for those reading who feel like weak reeds nearly broken, and flickering candles nearly snuffed; reveal yourself as the one who never falters or loses heart as you care for your injured ones so compassionately. Please show yourself faithful. Thank you! In Jesus’ name, amen.
With much love,