This past summer, I saw the faithfulness of God in a very intimate way.
I published a post in July entitled “I Do Matter“. In it, I wrote that I had recently asked my adopted, adult son with autism if he considered me his mom. The question was a valid one, as I’d been learning through the book “The Primal Wound” that many kids traumatized by adoption (even those adopted from birth), can’t see their adoptive mom as “Mom”, because they already had one. He had voiced weeks before that I never let him tell the truth, and I knew I needed to give him an opportunity to be real.
His response, along with all I was reading brought to the surface such crushing pain as I hadn’t felt in years. In the middle of the swirling flow, I began to lose sight of my Lord, and felt very alone. During that time, even my ability to worship at church, one thing that would bring me solace, became difficult.
One Sunday, as I tried to worship, I began to weep. Yet in that moment, I began to sense God’s presence intimately, and uniquely. I knew he had heard my pleas, and wanted me to know he was there. He cared.
I remember a walk in the neighborhood days later. That morning I heard on the radio, “Maybe the battle you think you need to win isn’t without but within”. As I walked I recounted those words, and prayed, “Lord, I understand you may want me to fight this battle rather than you removing it. But, if you would, please hold me right now. If you don’t think that best, I understand.”
It wasn’t an audible voice. And I’ve never “heard” God speak sadly, but in that moment, I sensed God’s sadness as thoughts spoke inside. “My child, if you only understood that I have been holding you all along.”
“My child, if you only understood that I have been holding you all along.”
God is a faithful, compassionate ally.
Isaiah 42:1-4 ““Look at my servant, whom I strengthen.
He is my chosen one, who pleases me.
I have put my Spirit upon him.
He will bring justice to the nations.
2 He will not shout
or raise his voice in public.
3 He will not crush the weakest reed
or put out a flickering candle.
He will bring justice to all who have been wronged.
4 He will not falter or lose heart
until justice prevails throughout the earth.
Even distant lands beyond the sea will wait for his instruction. (NLT, emphasis mine)
Those verses were written hundreds of years before Christ was born, yet they speak of him. They proclaim his compassionate faithfulness, even in the most desperate times.
My healing is coming slowly, and with it a depth of relationship with my faithful, compassionate ally that I never would have imagined.
Lord, I have seen your faithfulness, and know I will continue to see it. Please, for those reading who feel like weak reeds nearly broken, and flickering candles nearly snuffed; reveal yourself as the one who never falters or loses heart as you care for your injured ones so compassionately. Please show yourself faithful. Thank you! In Jesus’ name, amen.
With much love,