I happen to be the 3rd mom to all three of my boys, and Gary the 3rd dad to Evan, so blending our hearts is taking a lot of time and patience. I’ve heard it said blended families are more like crock pots than microwaves. It’s true. Gary and I both lost our first spouses to death; and for our 3 sons, they have each lost 2 mothers over the course of their lives – first by adoption and second by death/2nd adoption. Evan has also lost 2 fathers, one by 2nd adoption, and one by death. We have each struggled with incorporating the other into our worlds. Understandably.
Because of this, holiday seasons have been a lot of “difficult”, so I understand how the feelings of rejection can hijack what is supposed to be a time of great enjoyment. None of the boys asked me to be their mom, nor did they understandably want it. They had no choice in losing their mothers/father. Over many years of first blending with Evan, and now blending with Gary’s son’s, I’ve had to work through feelings I care not to admit, including anger and great pain. I’m very grateful that now is a season of beginning healing, ever so slowly. None of us ever imagined suffering the losses we’ve endured. But, as I head into another holiday season, I am comforted by knowing I can run to Jesus no matter what happens – he never turns me away. I am also becoming more confident in seeing over time, God is truly changing them and me.
Evan, is growing into a caring man who is, I think, beginning to understand that his mom isn’t trying to purposefully irritate him. I don’t always understand how the mind of a person with autism thinks; nor can I imagine what it is like to have lost 2 moms (and 2 families) and never be able to talk about it (as he is mostly non-verbal).
I’m learning I have so much to learn.
I mentioned in a post a week ago, that we hosted Thanksgiving Dinner with my oldest step son and his girlfriend. It was very special, revealing that healing is taking place. Today we had a meeting at school with my younger step son and the friend he has chosen to live with. It was very cordial, and in the midst, my step son handed me a gift, prompted by his friend. A beginning, I hope to healing.
I am learning that in the midst of swirling feelings of rejection, to heal I must choose to:
Dwell on Christ’s love and acceptance rather than the pain
Relinquish what I want and embrace Jesus and his plan
Yield to God rather than trying to fix it myself
Along with counseling, a new book written by Lysa Terkeurst, “Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out and Lonely” has greatly impacted how I’m healing . If you or a friend are struggling this holiday season with the pain of being “uninvited” in some aspect of life, I’d highly recommend this read.
Thank you for joining me this week as I have attempted to open my heart and home to you. I do hope it helps in some way to make the season more doable. Your comments are certainly encouraging me. Thanks!
I look forward to “seeing” you again on Monday!
With Love and Prayers,
p.s. You may also wish to read: I Do Matter